Sunday, May 5, 2013

WHOA, GOAT! The Goat Borrower Has a Plan!



WHOA, GOAT!
The Goat Borrower Has A Plan
********
So.
As some of you may know from being on the Facebook Sisterhood of the Goat page, the Goat Borrower (that's me) has a New Plan.  It's always good to have a New Plan.  Keeps a person Out of Trouble.
Or that's what my Uncle Whitey always said.

I once saw him pull a stump with our riding lawn tractor.  On two wheels.  It took awhile.
The fact that the stump didn't knock his brains out when it gave said to my seven year old self: 
 "You can do anything!" 
And (bonus!) a week later we got to get a new lawn tractor!

One time he downed, I'm thinking, one too many Gennys and rolled right off the new roof of the garage he was helping the neighbors build.  It was sort of graceful....until he hit bottom.
The upstairs smelled like Ben Gay for a week.  But when he finally came out of his bedroom and winked at me it said to my eight year old self:  "You can do anything.  But it's probably not a good idea to do that."

There was also the time the (same) neighbor drilled straight through his palm while he was holding a tin panel for the shed they were building. In one side and out the other. I remember he let me watch as he ran water in the sink and red blood swirled round and round.  I think he put a band aid on it.
  And my nine year old self said: 
 "Yeah.  This guy is my superhero."  

I loved my Uncle Whitey. So very much.
He taught me everything I needed to know.
Shoot a gun.
Tell the truth.
Never 'argu'. (argue)
And (I'm assuming when he needed quiet time) how to make a "rabbit catcher."
(You know, that wooden crate with a carrot on a string.....then be very, very quiet.....and wait......it may take awhile.)

So yeah, thanks to my Uncle Whitey I've never been afraid to try new things.

Inspired by some romantic vintage photos of goat carts and finally, the pop over the edge of decision,
 the stellar work of
I decided that *I* should join the colorful gypsy world of goat driving!

Armed with very little written literature (not a lot out there) and a Farmer with 50 plus years of driving drafts,  I set out to follow Rule 1:  Choose the right goats.
Hmm.  Well, since Darla just gave birth to two perfectly wonderful bucks, Fergus and Finnian, and I'm in the market to convince Farmer to wether and keep them, this should be the perfect plan to prove they are Useful.

But, there's still the Meantime to consider.

Enter:  Kevin and Dave!
Two homeless and rather bereft bucks that came to stay with us.
Dairy, in a world of Boers, they don't exactly fit in.
(Kevin is Daa to Fergus and Finnian-which just proves that Farmer goes to great lengths to shut me up...his version of the rabbit catcher.)
I somehow fell in love with them, probably due to their sweet nature and willingness to go with the flow.
I've been on a campaign to save them as well as Farmer keeps giving them The Eye.....and I worry.

So.......perfect, right?
Useful.


They already move in unison.......


And don't mind Odd Whims.......


Easy peasy, eh?

So I set off to follow Rule 2:  Halter your goats.

Picked up some soft nylon rope, circles and snaps because Farmer is a whiz at making halters then
 set out to the barn and walked innocently into the pasture.

I submit the following:

GOAT DRIVING DIARY ENTRY:  DAY 1
Yeah, so....the training didn't go so well today. Went to the pasture to get Kevin and Dave and the next thing I know....WHAM.....right in the middle of a Buck Fight! Apparently one of the pygmy goats was...uh, desirable, and our big buck, Sweet Bill, went NUTS! I've never seen such a thing. Ramming everything and everybody. I'm trying to catch the pygmy. Kevin and Dave are *doing* each other. Kevin and Dave are *doing themselves.  Kevin and Dave in a Pan-like frenzy sans syrinx.   3 peni (what *is* the plural of goat penis?) flailing like fire hoses......pee arcing everywhere in rainbow colors into the sunshine....me in the middle. Murderous screams. (mine) It was *not* pretty. So yeah, the training didn't go well today.
~Foxmorton 5/4/13

note to self:  Reassess Rule 1
reminder:  Do not kiss Kevin and Dave on the lips anymore.

SWEET  RUDE BILL

So onward.....'cause like my Uncle Whitey used to say:  "It's always good to have a New Plan."

Stay Tuned!
xoxoxo

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7 comments:

Millie said...

I suggest having you as the only female during the buck training. Much easier for them to focus.

Patty Woodland said...

You know they will try and mount you. Especially during the rut which will most likely start mid-August.

Luke is the most gentle of souls until the rut.

edenhills said...

I hope you're having much success with this new plan!

Tyche's Minder said...

Oh, the images. Those'll last a while.

Candy C. said...

ROTFLMAO!!!
Maybe you should wait and train Fergus and Finnian to the cart! It may be too late for Kevin and Dave, as sweet as they are *most* of the time! Oh, and yeah, no more kissin' them stinky boys on the lips! ;)

Marigold said...

Just be glad none of them are fainting goats. On the other hand, I suppose you could at least have gotten the halters on while they were down in that case. :)

OneOldGoat said...

Oh my! Can't wait to hear the continuation of this plan! Love it, love it!