Friday, February 18, 2011

So I'm Blow Drying the Goat's Butt......


THINGS I NEVER IMAGINED I'D DO

BUFF DARLA

DARLA THIS WEEK

SEVERAL WEEKS AGO...WHEN WE WERE STILL SKINNY...AND THE CAT WAS STILL ALOOF

So, I'm blow drying the business end of the goat this morning and I'm thinking:

A. This is not a sentence I ever thought I'd have occasion to write.

and

B. Who would have ever thought that a goat would let you do something like that?

But animals are amazing, aren't they? They'll do just about anything to please you as long as they feel safe and understand what it is you want from them.

From almost the get-go Darla has accepted the fact that tubby means changing.
She stands still, picks up her feet to the words "stepy-stepy" and knows there's a scritching and a snuzzle at the end. The blow dryer came after, after I didn't return Farmer's goat "next Tuesday" and I knew that I was going to have to be diligent regarding hygiene. We started out by just playing with it, graduated to turning it on away from the tubbie and then finally butt success. No issues, really. Amazing.

In fact, I am amazed at every turn how very few issues there have been in keeping a goat at an undisclosed location.

Oh, there was the time the dog, in no uncertain terms clearly said aloud in an appalled voice: "Madame, that is my penis. And I will thank you to stop treating it otherwise." But he tries to herd her and guards her 'barn' and I know he's going to miss her when she goes.

And, though I can't prove it, I'm pretty sure I know how the Stairs Incident occurred.

The cat, who couldn't stand ignoring us any longer, is now Morning Goat Play Buddy.....up to and including leading Darla a merry chase.......right to the top of the stairs....and down. To her credit Darla puts on the brakes like Wile E. Coyote every time but I still cringe when I hear thundering hoof and paw overhead.

And the craft corner. The bane of my goat world existence. I have tried everything imaginable to discourage the pilfering of this corner. Distraction, removal, idle threats to the point where I noticed she only went there when I would sit down at night with a cup of coffee. Ah-ha. Maa will get up and chase me if, and only if, I go to this corner. She's fine if I gum everything else in the house but for some human reason this corner is off limits. Hmmmm.

Sooooo.......I had to go to my last resort.......my final, desperate act: The Gypsy Coin Torture.

The Gypsy Coin Torture is quite effective. And the method is simple.
Insert gypsy coins into plastic coffee can. Shake at appropriate moment. Watch goat go straight up in air. See goat return to corner. Repeat. See goat run. See goat stop. See goat do related math on scratch paper with borrowed pencil. Watch as light bulb goes on over goat's head. See goat begin to return to corner. Simply reach for Gypsy Torture Can. Watch goat run in opposite direction. Viola!

It's funny about animals. All the experts tell us they don't think logically. Ha. Anyone who has ever lived with a pet knows different.

I watch Darla grow and am so happy to see her healthy and I'm proud of how smart she is. This morning during bottle time the cat, no lightweight, walked completely underneath her! I guess I don't remember when she grew up on me.

We'll be returning to the barn soon. (I know...I know....we really are, I promise!) This experience couldn't be bought. Nor can it be duplicated, for should I do it ever again the wonder and discovery wouldn't be quite so fresh. This was special.

I'll really cherish this time, this time when my kingdom truly was peaceable.

~Mimi

Attention: No goats were tortured in an effort to keep them from ingesting six foot of quality yarn, several fabric scraps and a half dozen pewter buttons. It's just the name that's effective.
;)

9 comments:

thecrazysheeplady said...

Well, I couldn't help myself, but had to go back the start and see how this goat borrowing/stealing? adventure started. I hand over my crazy crown to you (bows low ;-).

Pricilla said...

Awww, lucky Darla.

Pricilla hurt her head but instigating a head butting contest with Marion.
Marion has horns.
Pricilla does not.
Marion is young
Pricilla is not

Pricilla should know better
Pricilla does not.

IsobelleGoLightly said...

I want to come over for a spa day! Can I have a bath, a blow dry and a pedicure? I want sparkles sprinkled on my horns! I'd need to use your bathtub because I'm too big for the tubby and I'm very opinionated so I'd probably thunder all over your house. tee hee. xxxx oooo

Pat - Arkansas said...

Love your post header. Love the photos. Love the Gypsy Coin Torture. Love Darla. (I'm in a loving mood.)

Melodie said...

House goties are the best! We have had several and I am sure we will have more before it is over with.Darla is cute cute cute!

Jennifer said...

Cute.

Claire the Shepherdess said...

Oh my goodness, how she has GROWN!! I cannot even begin to think how hard it will be for you to take her back to the barn. What a cutie-patootie. I remember blow-drying a baby llama who was just born in an ice storm and none of the mama llamas wanted to claim him. Here's the blog post I did on it. It was from the time when I still had a farm partner, so just ignore him, focus on the llama. :)
http://chooksiniowa.blogspot.com/2010/01/stormy-surprise.html

Kate Tracton said...

I'm loving the reference to the poor dog and his penis. I'm sure he was QUITE surprised to find himself being milked! :O

Still laughing...

Kate

Margaret (Nanny Goats) said...

Aww, how cute is Darla in those jammies! (Stopping over from Michelle at Goat Berries.)